


Intimacy

by Pendragon2601



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: 18+ ONLY, Anal Sex, Bottom Alec Lightwood, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Explicit scenes from the start, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Intimacy, Loving relationships, M/M, Mature Conversations, NSFW, Passionate Sex, Power Bottom Alec Lightwood, Rough Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Intimacy, Shameless Smut, Smut, Top Magnus Bane, Trust, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:28:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23749162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pendragon2601/pseuds/Pendragon2601
Summary: After the failure of Consul Dieudonne's coup for power, Magnus and Alec recieve word that some of the prisoner's of the Gard have escaped in the ensuing chaos. One of those prisoners might have been Camille Belcourt.Or, Magnus remembers his relationship with Camille that sends him into an emotional spiral. Alec tries his best to help him through sex.Set between Season 2 and Season 3 of Shadowhunters. VERY NSFW. No underage readers, please.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Camille Belcourt
Comments: 4
Kudos: 103





	Intimacy

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so to explain this fic...
> 
> So I wrote this over two years ago shortly after Season 2 finished airing after four nights straight with no sleep and slowly losing my mind. It was not a great time for me or my mental health so I tried to channel some of that into my writing and this was the result. I didn't intend for there to be any sex nor for it to be so graphic but after I read back over it, saw that some of it was pretty good, I decided to see where it went. I am now no longer questioning why I'm in therapy. 
> 
> Jokes aside, I wanted to try and explore the differences between Magnus's relationships and the emotional baggage behind them. Both Magnus and Alec may be a little OOC throughout but for once I wasn't really focusing on keeping it canon like all my other fics, though i like to think that they would be mature enough to have these kinds of conversations. It does also getting a little cheesy towards the end, so much it almost made me a little sick with myself, but I couldn't seem to make it work without it. However, since this is probably the most gratuitous fic I have ever written in my life, please read the tags. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18 YEARS OLD! 
> 
> Let me know what you think. Any constructive criticism is welcome. Enjoy!

They could have fucked each other for hours, days even, if they didn’t have other responsibilities to attend to.

If Magnus had his way, they wouldn’t even leave the apartment. They would just let the world go by without them as they writhed against each other in bed, never once stopping for a rest. With every gentle caress, every heated kiss, every desperate frenzied thrust, they became even more addicted to one another. Magnus wondered if they would ever get enough of each other.

But there was something more, something deeper than just lust between them. On his side there was love, adoration and pure devotion for the beauty that had fallen into his arms and kissed him with a passion that warmed his aching heart.

But for her, there was power.

She knew exactly what to do to get him to do anything for her. She would flutter her eyelashes, press a lingering kiss against his lips that promised more than he could possibly handle. She could catch his eye in a room full of people and she would have him in the palm of her hand.

She knew this and so did he. But he couldn’t stop himself. Even when she infuriated him, even when she would be so callous and remorseless of her actions that he no longer recognised the person standing in front of him, he would still crawl back into her bed and they would resume where they left off as if nothing had happened. All because he loved her. How could he not after everything she had done for him? How could he not wish to look upon the good times between them, and ignore all of the never-ending faults and flaws in their relationship that seemed to be growing more and more one-sided with each day that passed them by?

“Which is why I had to let Camille go,” Magnus said quietly, his head resting on Alec’s chest. His fingertips swirled in little circles across Alec’s pectorals, brushing lightly against his soft chest hair as he listened to him breathing. “I loved her more than she ever loved me. If I stayed with her, I would have lost everything that made me who I am.”

“I understand. You both have a history together and you were in love with her.” Alec sighed, staring up at the ceiling as he idly stroked Magnus’s right bicep with his fingertips. “I guess it would be hard for anyone to forget something like that.”

“But that’s just it. I _want_ to forget about her.” Magnus sighed in frustration. “At least I want to forget all of the sad times. I want to hate her so much, make her realise just how much she hurt me, but I just can't bring myself to do it.” 

Alec shifted onto his side and reached up to touch Magnus’s jaw. He gazed into his eyes, his sad gold-green cat’s eyes, and brushed his lips against his. “Tell me what I can do to help.” he whispered. “If there is anything I can do to make you happy, let me do it.”

“Just love me, Alexander. That’s all I need.” Magnus answered, his whisper almost broken with emotion as he let Alec press his lips softly against his.

They could have kissed for hours, days even but Magnus didn’t care. He could never get enough of Alec; his sweet lips or his strong capable hands that caressed his skin so softly like he was the most precious thing in the world. He could never get enough of his smell, his delectable masculine scent that permeated his bed sheets every time he left. He wanted it everywhere.

With every loving kiss and tender touch of his fingers, with every little gasp and moan that escaped Alec’s lips, with every distracting roll and grind of his hips, he slowly forgot about Camille and each memory was replaced with one of Alec. Alec opened his eyes and pulled his lips away from Magnus’s. He stilled his rolling hips and slid his hand slowly down Magnus’s side, letting it drag languorously over every dip and bump of his ribcage, down across his navel-less stomach until he cupped Magnus’s erection firmly. Magnus held his breath and opened his eyes to gaze at Alec questioningly. Alec raised his eyes and teasingly brushed his lips against Magnus’s, biting his bottom lip softly before letting it go to speak.

“Magnus let me show you how much I love you.” Alec whispered as he sporadically pressed gentle kisses all over his jaw and neck. “Let me, please. I’d do anything to make you happy.”

Magnus nodded his head as he chased Alec’s mesmerising lips, rolling his erection firmly into his lover’s hand and letting out a hiss of pleasure at the tantalising friction it caused. Alec took away his hand and reached up to take Magnus’s arm, wrapping it around his waist as he rolled until his back was pressed firmly against Magnus’s chest. With one hand, he took hold of Magnus’s arm and with the other he reached up and stroked the side of Magnus’s face, their lips so very close together. Alec pressed his lips firmly against Magnus’s and slowly proceeded to rock his ass back into Magnus’s erection. “Make love to me, Magnus.”

Magnus gently kissed the back of Alec's neck as he slid his hand down to his lover's right hip, stroking small soothing circles into his warm skin. He listened as Alec let out a quiet sigh, tipping his head back against Magnus's shoulder. They took all the time in the world, having no need to rush as Magnus rocked his hips against Alec's. This was so different to when he had been with Camille. With Camille, he struggled so hard to keep her satisfied that he began to dread even sharing her bed at all. But he didn't need to worry about that with Alexander. He knew that there was more between them than lust. There was love, on both sides. There was trust. There was respect.

Magnus felt Alec's hand touch his cheek, gently turning his head up so he could kiss a trail of nipping kisses along his jaw. “Please, Magnus. I love you. Please...” he whispered against his skin as he arched his back in pleasure. “I can take it, Magnus. Please.” 

Magnus nodded and gently nipped Alec's shoulder, followed by a soothing kiss as he suddenly rolled away and sat up, hurriedly rummaging through his bedside drawer. Alec glanced over his shoulder at Magnus, holding his breath in anticipation as Magnus lifted out a small bottle of lubrication and a condom. Magnus swiftly tore open the silver packaging, his hands trembling in jittery excitement, when he suddenly felt Alec shift to place soothing kisses along his shoulder blades. Magnus stilled as he felt Alec’s chest press up against his back whilst his hands slipped underneath his arms and took the bottle and the condom from his hands. “Let me,” Alec whispered in his ear, pressing a gentle kiss against his cheek.

Magnus let his gaze wander over Alec’s skin, memorising every detail of each black rune on his arms circling his chest as Alec rolled the condom onto Magnus’s erection. Not for the first time, Magnus wondered how he could have gotten this lucky to be in love with someone as devastatingly beautiful as his Alexander. He was so loving and warm, so caring and trusting and so completely in love with him. Magnus pressed his lips against the underside of Alec’s jaw, listening as Alec let out a quiet hum as he tipped his head back.

As they laid back down, Magnus pressed up against Alec’s back and pressed gentle soothing kisses against his shoulder blades as he lubed up his fingers and let them sink deep into his ass. Alec let out a shuddering gasp as he rocked his hips back against Magnus’s touch.

It wasn't the first time that night that they had made love. Alec had received a fire message from his mother that morning saying that during Consul Dieudonne’s coup, some of the prisoners in the Gard were somehow freed in the ensuing chaos in Alicante. Upon hearing this news, Alec noticed during the day that Magnus was not like his usual fun-loving, freewheeling, eccentric self and he became curious as to why that was. So, with a lot of gentle coaxing and warm loving kisses, Magnus finally relented and said that he was thinking of Camille. Magnus explained that since Camille was one of the prisoners in the Gard at the time, there was a very good chance that she was freed along with the rest of the escaped convicts. Magnus was worried about her despite everything she had done, before his worry became a conflicting mess of frustration and self-loathing, resulting in him taking comfort in Alec and his body.

Alec let out a low moan as he reached back to grasp at Magnus's hip, his fingers pawing tightly at his skin as Magnus thrust his fingers inside him. “Magnus come on. I’m ready.” Alec murmured. Magnus let out a gasp as his felt Alec’s hand drop from his hip to stroke his cock. “I need you, Magnus. Come on.”

“Alright, alright. Give me a minute.” Magnus chuckled as he carefully pulled his fingers out of Alec’s ass and let his teeth graze lightly against Alec’s skin. “You’re so demanding when you get into it.”

“Is it too much?” Alec gasped as he felt Magnus press his hips tightly against Alec’s ass, his cock sinking deep into the heat of Alec’s body. There was a hint of uncertainty in his voice as he shifted his head to look back over his shoulder at him. “I can reign it in if you don’t like it—"

“God no, I love it.” Magnus groaned as he stilled his hips, relishing in the heat and the feeling of Alec’s fingernails scratching desperately at his hip. Magnus let one of his hands slide up Alec's waist, lightly scratching his nails across his lover's chest as he kissed along the side of his neck. Magnus slowly began to roll his hips, pulling back carefully to thrust deep into Alec’s ass and listening to the sound of a moan escaping from Alec’s mouth. They took all the time in the world, moving sensually against each other as if they were dancing to the sounds of their heartbeats.

“Tell me you love me, Alexander.” Magnus whispered into his ear. He reached out with his other hand and wove his fingers between Alec's, pressing their joined hands firmly against the mattress beneath them.

“I love you.” Alec gasped, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. There was a deep, familiar pressure slowly building up in his body, spreading itself under his skin like a lustful demon he didn’t want to vanquish just yet. It teased him, taunted him, pushed and prodded at him as if to say _Look at me, look what I can make you feel._ It was an exquisite torture.

Magnus gave a hard thrust of his hips and was rewarded with a loud groan escaping his lover's lips. “Again.”

“I love you.” Alec felt his back arch against Magnus's chest as his lover increased his thrusts. Sweat was forming on their bodies, making the slip and slide of their hips even more enjoyable, but neither of them could find any reason to care.

“Again!”

Alec gasped loudly as he frantically pushed his hips back, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. “By the Angel, I love you, Magnus. Yes!”

Magnus suddenly rolled them over, Alec trapped beneath Magnus's body as he rutted his hips against him at a frenzied pace. Magnus pressed his lips haphazardly along Alec's shoulder blades with every thrust as he pawed at the sides of Alec's waist. Alec felt his body freeze in alarm as he tried to breathe. Magnus had never done this with him before. He was never rough in bed. He had always been so careful and gentle when they changed positions.

Before he could tell Magnus to slow down, Alec suddenly let out a grunt of pain. The noise was so quiet that he barely heard it himself, but he felt Magnus's body freeze against him. There was a moment's silence before Alec felt Magnus completely pull away from him (including their hips, much to Alec’s disappointment) except for his soft, gentle hands which guided Alec safely onto his back. Magnus was leaning over Alec with saddened eyes, his fingers gently stroking his lover's cheekbones as he settled his body on top of Alec's. It was comforting to feel Magnus's weight against his body. He wasn't too heavy that he felt crushed but just enough to feel real to him. Alec looked up at Magnus with concern, his hands lightly stroking his lover's back soothingly.

“Alec, forgive me. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—"

“Magnus, ssh. I’m okay now, don’t worry.” Alec pressed his lips firmly against Magnus's, staring straight into his gold-green eyes as he pulled away and whispered to him. He didn't want to disturb the gentle hush between them, not when he ran the risk of Magnus closing himself off from him. Alec gently stroked his fingers against Magnus’s temple in a soothing gesture. “What was that all about? Talk to me. What’s going on in your mind?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t…” Magnus shook his head, suddenly moving to get up. Alec quickly wrapped his legs tightly around Magnus’s hips and braced his arms around Magnus’s chest, stopping his lover from moving any further.

“Talk to me. I’m not letting you go until you do.” Alec said firmly, calmly running his fingers through the short hairs at the back of Magnus’s head. Magnus looked down at him reluctantly as a frown began to crease his brow. Alec stubbornly persevered and gave Magnus a firm kiss. “I promise I won’t get mad Magnus. Just tell me.”

“Except you probably will get mad, because thoughts of her do not belong in this relationship and—” Magnus cut himself off and cast his gaze away from Alec’s beautiful eyes in shame.

Alec opened his mouth questioningly and then closed it in understanding a second later. He tried not to let the small stab of hurt grow any bigger in his chest. “You were thinking of Camille.”

“Not like that. Never like that, I swear.” Magnus replied firmly. “I was just thinking of all of the ways this relationship is different to the one I had with her, how much of a train wreck that relationship turned into.”

“Why would you think of that in the middle of making love to me?” Alec asked, struggling to understand and hoping it didn’t mean what he thought it meant.

“I don’t know. She just gets into my head sometimes. I don’t want to think of her. I never want to think of her that way ever again. You must know that.” Magnus said, feeling a growing wave of panic rising in his chest. “Please. You know I don’t want her. I want you.”

“I know, Magnus.” Alec whispered in astonishment as he heard the waver in Magnus’s voice. The feeling of hurt in his chest was fading away as he stared at the panicked worried expression on his lover’s face at the thought that he’d upset Alec.

“By Lilith, please tell me I haven’t ruined this. Please, I love you.” Magnus tried desperately not to panic at the thought that he’d royally fucked up.

“And I love you Magnus, okay? Relax, take a deep breath.” Alec said soothingly as he moved his hand to cup Magnus’s face. “I understand, okay? It’s not your fault. You’ve had a trying day with a lot of emotional baggage to deal with. I forgive you.” Alec had already forgiven Magnus the moment that he apologised.

Magnus let out a sigh of relief. “I really am sorry. I promise I won’t think of her again.”

Alec frowned. “Magnus, it’s okay if you do want to think of her. Just not whilst you’re having sex with me, okay?”

“How are you so understanding? I’m not sure I’d feel the same in your position.” Magnus whispered tentatively. Alec rolled his eyes.

“Come on Mags. We’re in love with each other. I’m certain that I’m right to be secure in that fact. You're going to have to do a lot more to dissuade me than that if you want to get rid of me.”

“I’d never want to get rid of you. Never.” Magnus sighed with a shake of his head. “Stubborn Nephilim.”

“You better believe it.” Alec smiled and kissed him once more, this time soothingly slow, gently coaxing his lover to kiss him back. When Alec felt Magnus’ hips start to grind down against his again, he took advantage of his momentary distraction to roll them over so that Magnus was lying back against the bedsheets and Alec was straddling his hips. Alec leaned down and pressed a slow, languorous kiss against Magnus’s mouth.

“Are you sure you want to continue?” Magnus mumbled against Alec’s lips, as his lover slowly ground his hips down in little rolling circles.

Alec grasped both of Magnus’s hands and brought them to his waist, holding them firmly against his skin. “Yes, I’m sure, Magnus. I want you.”

“By Lilith, I want you too.” Magnus groaned, his hands gripping desperately at the flesh of Alec’s waist as his lover carefully rose up onto his knees and slowly sank back down on Magnus’s erection. Magnus watched Alec’s face as he closed his eyes, holding still as if in thought while he savoured the feeling of being connected to Magnus in such an intimate way. Alec let his head fall forward with a heavy sigh, his hands stroking soothingly up and down his lover’s forearms. Magnus wondered if he’ll ever be attracted to another man as much as he is attracted to Alec in this moment. If the whole world was to suddenly blink out of existence at this very minute, Magnus knew that he would be at peace just gazing at this image for the rest of his afterlife. 

Alec leaned down and pressed his forehead against Magnus’s, his skin hot and damp with sweat. He opened his eyes and stared into Magnus’s cat-like eyes, his breathing shallow as he battled to calm his body. Magnus waited with bated breath, memorising every feature of Alec’s face. Then Alec began to move. Alec shifted his body almost infinitesimally slow, rocking his hips up and down as his whole body slid torturously against Magnus’s slick skin. There was no need to rush, no need to use too much effort but with every movement, the temperature between their bodies rose to an almost unbearable heat.

“Do you want to know what I love about you, Magnus?” Alec whispered against his lover’s lips as they moved.

“What? Tell me, Alexander.” Magnus replied in a gasp. Alec trailed his lips along Magnus’s jaw until he reached his neck. Magnus shivered and rocked his hips up, his eyes rolling back into his head at the sound of Alec grunting lightly against his skin.

“You…you’re so caring, Magnus…so loving,” Alec panted as his hips slowly picked up speed. Magnus moaned and slid his hands to Alec’s hips, tightening his grip to hold on. Alec let his hands roam Magnus’s chest and arms, squeezing his biceps as Alec whispered against his lips. “By the Angel, I could kiss you for the rest of my life and it would never be enough. I could make love to you for the rest of my life and it would never _ever_ be enough. Magnus.”

“Me too, Alexander.” Magnus moaned, his fingernails lightly scratching at Alec’s skin as they moved. “By Lilith, you’re so sexy. Oh my-- Alec, I don’t think I’m going to last. Alexander…”

“Ssh, I know.” Alec pulled Magnus into another deep kiss as they moved faster.

Magnus felt as if time had stopped around them as they continued to writhe against each other, the sounds of lifting flesh and desperate gasps urging them on, until he could almost feel the edges of his tiring mind begin to slip into unconsciousness. He knew it wasn’t long before he collapsed but if he could just push Alec there along with him, then at least he could rest for the night knowing that Alec would be feeling the same. Sweat was dripping from Alec’s brow as he tiredly pressed his forehead against Magnus’s cheek, his hips slowing down to a rolling grind.

“I knew I should’ve drawn another stamina rune.” Alec whispered against Magnus’s cheekbone. “I don’t want to stop.”

Magnus shook his head in exhaustion. “We’ll have to stop soon. I don’t know how much longer I can keep going.”

Alec shifted onto his elbows and pressed his lips repeatedly against Magnus’s lips with every slow grind of his hips. “You can let go if you want, Magnus, I don’t mind.”

Magnus tightened his grip on Alec’s hips and stubbornly shook his head. “Not without you. Never without you.”

Alec chuckled with a shake of his head. “It’s okay. This is about you, Magnus.”

Magnus stubbornly shook his head before he forcefully rolled them over, their pace temporarily coming to a stop as Magnus lay on top of his lover. Magnus gazed down at Alec’s face and watched as Alec stared back up at him quietly, his eyes moving as if he was memorising every inch of his face.

“Aku cinta kamu, Alexander.” Magnus whispered with a smile against Alec’s lips. “If there is one thing, I want you to remember always is that I will always, _always_ do whatever I can to show you that I love you for the rest of our life together. Because I know that you will always love me for the rest of yours. You deserve the world and everything good that comes with it, Alexander Lightwood.”

“And what if I don’t want the world?” Alec asked with a quirk of an eyebrow. “What if I just want you?”

Magnus shrugged his shoulders with a wide smile. “Well, you’ve got me either way Alexander. That’s never going to change. You just _had_ to make me fall in love with you, didn’t you?” Magnus said teasingly as he lightly brushed the tip of his nose against Alec’s, delighting in causing the almost innocent little scrunch of his nose in reply.

“I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual there.” Alec said as he pressed a gentle lingering kiss against Magnus’s lips. Alec let his hands slip down his lover’s back until he had a firm grip on Magnus’s backside, giving it a mischievous squeeze as he bucked his hips up. Magnus let out a grunt against his lips, pressing his forehead against Alec’s to seize whatever was left of his control. Alec pulled his lips away with a gasp and moved to whisper in his ear, occasionally dragging the edges of his teeth along Magnus’s earlobe. “Come on, Magnus. Move. I’m pretty much dying here. Please move. I need you.”

Magnus obliged and ground his hips against Alec’s ass as they clung to each other as if their lives depended on it. Alec continued to press desperate open-mouthed kisses against the skin of Magnus’s broad shoulders as they rocked against each other, the only sounds of the room accompanying their panting gasps was the loud creaking protests of their bed. Magnus started to feel his body combating the exhaustion in his limbs and moved one of his hands down to Alec’s erection. Alec’s hand clamped down on his wrist and Magnus felt the pinching hint of teeth against his clavicle. “Don’t you dare Magnus. I’m almost there. I swear on the Angel, I’m almost there—”

“Don’t bring Raziel into this, darling. I’d rather not be vaporised—"

Alec suddenly tensed with a cut off moan, his nails digging almost painfully into the back of Magnus’s neck and into his wrist before his whole body shuddered. Magnus watched in awe as Alec’s head fell back in bliss against the pillows beneath them before he too, felt his body give an almighty shudder before collapsing on Alec’s chest. He tried to catch his breath, to ease his thundering heartbeat, whilst he felt Alec’s hand slide tiredly to rest in his sweat-soaked tangled hair. Magnus tried not to imagine how he must have looked – his hair in disarray, his makeup smudged beyond recognition, along with a disgusting sheen of sweat along every inch of his back – and instead let his gaze land on the many runes tattooed onto Alec’s chest and right bicep.

“I’ll never get used to this.” Alec sighed with a breezy chuckle. He loosened his grip on Magnus’s wrist and moved to lightly trail his fingers along Magnus’s spine. Magnus let himself smile at the gentle caresses of Alec’s touch.

“Neither will I, Alexander.” Magnus sighed against Alec’s chest. Alec smiled and let his hand stroke the tired muscles of Magnus’s back, pressing the heels of his palms firmly when he reached his shoulder blades. Magnus let out a satisfied breath as he felt the tension in his shoulders melt away. “By Lilith, Alexander, you’re too good to me.”

“Nonsense. You deserve it.” Alec murmured back, not wanting to disturb the quiet hush enveloped around them. After a long moment, Alec lifted his head and peered down at Magnus with a serious look. “Magnus, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

“Of course.”

“Good, and I mean anything, you know. Even if you think it’ll upset me. I’d much rather know.” Alec let his head fall back onto his pillow. “I know you still have issues about Camille, but if there is anything I can do to help you, I want to know.”

Magnus lifted himself off Alec’s body and tiredly shifted up to lie down beside him, both shifting until Alec’s back was resting against Magnus’s chest and his arms were warmly wrapped around his chest like a soft cocoon. With a final flick of Magnus’s wrist, they both found themselves clean and lying in freshened bedsheets. Magnus would put on a load of laundry when they woke in the morning but for now it can wait.

“Aku cinta kamu, Alexander.” Magnus whispered with a soft kiss to Alec’s shoulder. He let his gaze fall on Alec’s face for a little while longer, watching as a smile rested on his tired face.

“I love you too Magnus.” Alec replied before slowly drifting off into a peaceful sleep. 

Magnus let his eyes close as he rested his head on his pillow, curling in close to Alec’s body and drifted off to sleep as well. Magnus only dreamed of Alec safe and sound in his arms, and in turn, of himself sleeping in Alec’s loving embrace, and felt at peace. 


End file.
